Saturday, January 7, 2012

Fear Falling

Fear has always played a large role in my life.  Even when I was a little kid I was afraid of so many things that it's no wonder I developed anxiety as I grew older.  I've been focusing my prayers lately on having freedom in my life.  Freedom in the sense that I no longer fear the unknown and that I feel secure with God and who I am.

Where the spirit of the lord is
There is freedom

Many Christians talk about how they found freedom as soon as they became Christians... they were released from their fears and anxieties and were at peace.  I did have that peace for a while, but overtime it faded even though I love God as much as I did then.  I feel that this time is not a time for me to resist and struggle, but rather I am learning how to be released from my inner demons completely.  This journey has made me face my innermost struggles such as forgiveness that I've been withholding, feeling inadequate, and the general belief that I am just never good enough.  It's not easy.  It's actually terrifying when I stop and think about it, but I'm doing it one small step at a time.

So if you're tired and thirsty
Turn to Jesus

Lord reign in me.

Monday, December 5, 2011


My favourite Christmas carol as a kid was always (and still is) Little Drummer Boy.  Check out this sweet version by 16 year old Sean Quigley from Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Behold! It speaks!

So I am blogging. 

My husband is going pro with his blog and doing the whole "I need a brand" thing, but I am not.  I'm the random and big picture to his logic and details. It's pretty much a super power.

I need to point out that it is summer time, which is my favourite time of the year.  LOVE LOVE LOVE summer.  Hopefully we'll get to go somewhere hot and sunny in the midst of this winter.

The end of summer, however, does mean the beginning of fall which means back to school.  I always LOVED back to school as a kid....especially SCHOOL SUPPLY SHOPPING!  This year I will be entering my sixth year of post secondary and 19th year of schooling.  Is that right?  All so I can have another piece of paper that licenses me to do counselling.  Well actually it will qualify me to license after I complete 1500 hours of supervision and study for months on end and go before a board to prove that I'm competent.  No biggy. 

I also want to point out that I don't want to be a stay at home mum (no, I'm not preggers).  I mean, I would like to take a mat leave, but I'm pretty confident in saying that I'd go batty if I stayed home all the time with the kidlets.  Seriously.  Just ask the two year old I nannied. 

Okay, signing out!

Friday, April 1, 2011

If I Lie Here

I'm not a huge music person (you should hear me play the clarinet) but during certain times in my life there have been songs that resonate with me that I tend to listen to over and over again.  Unfortunately for LMB the song I was obsessed with during a particularly nasty break up was The First Cut is the Deepest sung by Sheryl Crow.  The song that stands out to me as we grieve Uncle Doug is Fix You by Coldplay.  Thankfully for Philip I've upgraded to an ipod so no one has to be stuck in a car with me listening to the same song over and over again.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Monday, March 21, 2011

I Gotta Feeling

Being with death is... depressing? hard? stupid? anger provoking? stressful?  All of the above.

Signs of stress:

Grinding teeth (check)
Stomach aches (check)
Headaches (check)
Irritability (check)
Isolation (half check)
Tiredness (check)
Nightmares (check)

Facing death is SO much easier when the people around you (especially the person who is dying) knows God.  It's definitely not easy, but there is a certain amount of peace that comes with it.  Otherwise you feel like you're being dragged across minefield when you know there is a lovely field of daisies right next to it that desperately wants you to come over.  

Maybe I am a Jesus Freak.  

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I'll Love you Forever, I'll Like you for Always

As we are mourning the passing of a very special person, it brings me hope and encouragement to know that new life is being formed.

We will welcome our little niece or nephew to the world shortly after we say goodbye to my amazing uncle.  

God brings new life and it is good.

I'm Not Actually on Facebook... My Blog just Links to my Account!!!

I've heard through the grapevine (not my checking my facebook account) that people are commenting because my blog automatically links to my account and it looks like I'm cheating on my Lent promise.  I'm not!  Really!

I handed in another paper today for school, this one was about multicultural counselling and issues in working with Russian immigrants.  Personally I find it fascinating.  I didn't realize how important multicultural counselling is until I took this course.  It's giving me a small glimpse of what life is like as a new immigrant in Canada and the feelings of loneliness and isolation that come with leaving your home country.  I don't know if it's something I could do permanently, but I also know that people are incredibly resilient when they need to be.